Is It Bad?

Recently, a client asked me, “Is [insert baby product or approach here] bad? If I use it, does that make me a bad mom?”

And I honestly can’t stop thinking about that question. It actually doesn’t even matter what product she was referring to.

How did we get here? How did we get to a place where new moms, who are already trying to navigate one of the biggest transitions of their lives, feel the need to ask whether trying something with their baby has a morality attached to it?

Is a pacifier bad?
Is a Snoo bad?

If I say yes, does that trigger you?
If I say no, does it trigger you in the opposite direction?

There’s so much nuance lost when we rush to label a choice as “good” or “bad.” And while we may think we’re judging products or parenting styles, more often than not, we’re judging ourselves.

I asked a couple of friends recently if they had newborns during the height of Instagram parenting. They hadn’t. And it made me realize just how much this constant stream of curated feeds: perfect breastfeeding experiences, perfect parenting, perfect confidence while parenting—seeps into our own sef-talk. It’s just not reality.

Here’s the truth: You (and I) get to try things. We get to experiment. We get to decide if something works for our baby, our body, our family. And if it doesn’t? We get to toss it out without attaching shame to it. If it does? We get keep it in our back pocket.

Parenting doesn’t have to be a moral test. It’s a journey of learning, trying, adjusting, and giving ourselves grace along the way.